I wish I only lived at night.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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