Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
