I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
