We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
