mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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