Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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