You really coming over, don't trick.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
