yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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