she looked like the bat from fern gully.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
