i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize