Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
