Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
