Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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