You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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