I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
