i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
