she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
