I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
