I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Boobs speak an international language.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
