Can i not drive my cunt home
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
