note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
