I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
