Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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