The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
