Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
