My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
