Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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