Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
