who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
