Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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