he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
