Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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