people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize