when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Randomize
