Yo dont text me then not text me
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
