Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
