I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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