My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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