shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Randomize
