8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
