shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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