I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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