he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
