the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
