thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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