Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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