Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
