i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
