When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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