She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
