you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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