my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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