hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
