Sry I called you an 8
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
