you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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