I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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