I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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