Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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