There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
