If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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