she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
