he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize