Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
