The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
How does one acquire holy water?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
