How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
