the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Of course I have a pirate flag
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
