just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
