Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
