I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
