I have demons in me.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
